Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
