So drunk its hurt
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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