Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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