I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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