"it" just moved
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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