Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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