Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
