She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
