just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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