Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
