she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
