I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
