shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
