I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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