I skipped work to stalk him.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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