I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
