so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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