If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
