I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
