I'm lost and stupid without you.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
