The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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