You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
