you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You're like the curious george of whores
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize