You just made me feel so damn special
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
