Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
