Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
