dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
