I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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