My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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