The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
