dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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