Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
