i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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