with your own penis?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
