Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
