I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
