I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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