dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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