and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
