he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
