dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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