I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
