Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
