we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
