We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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