have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
