is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
