you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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