So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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