I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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