After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
