I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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