Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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