you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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