Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
