And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
