Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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