Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
