I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
