Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
