I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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