I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
