The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
