this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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